The Hunger Games: The Second Trimester Review (Week 27)

Yeah so I like the Hunger Games so sue me.  But this title is a perfect description of how I have seen the second trimester (weeks 13-27) go.  We are coming to a close this week of the second trimester and I wanted to give some of you (esp. future fathers) some reviews.

1.  The Hunger Games
I thought the first trimester was bad, whoa buddy I was wrong.  See there have been several times where I've had to clean up after my wife.  Meaning I ate the food off her plate cause she couldn't finish. Those times have disappeared my friend.  Now if I making food for myself (after feeding my wife!!!), her head will pop around the corner and say "what are you making?"  I have learned that this is code for "I'm going to eat that!"  I now try to cook and eat in undisclosed locations just so that I can survive the winter.  Don't judge me.  

2.  My hip. Is. Dying
"Round ligament pain sucks!"  This is a direct quote from my wife and I can attest to her wailing, it hurts. The body has to adjust to the fact that your woman is having a baby!  So when people say it becomes all about the baby, they mean this mentally and physically.  Just be prepared to comfort her/ care for her and if your wife is lucky enough not to get this, then be super thankful. 

3.  Belly touching
Ever rub your stomach after a really good Thanksgiving type meal?  That is how I interpret women touching their bellies.  Not a bad thing just reminds me of good food.  Anyway it isn't just your wife who begins to do more belly rubbing.  I have found that the creepy people to touching your belly ratio goes up dramatically during the second trimester (Pew Research I'm sure did this testing).    Reason---- coincides with #7 (see below).  

4.  Intense Pregnancy dreams
So my wife has had more realistic dreams.  I've been lucky that she has only had a couple super intense dreams where she will cry in the middle of the night or yell and I get up and revert to all the Bruce Lee/Kung Fu movies I've watched.  Again just be patient, care for her, comfort her, tell her everything is going to be okay and try not to karate chop her in the neck.  

5.  Old man bladder control 
Okay so I make the running joke a couple days ago that I am the only person in our house with a strong bladder, for now (pride before the fall).  This is true.  The bladder gets smushed (medical term) as it has to make room for your incoming baby.  Plus if this is your first kid your wife is trying to drink lots of water to be healthy or some garbage, which makes it worse.  I always said my wife had the bladder size of a tear drop, but now it more true than ever.  Don't worry she will get me back in about 35-40 years.  

6.  Anything baby related gets cuter

Now your woman may have always thought that baby stuff was super cute, but with my wife that was never the case.  If you need to go back then please do, but in short my wife and I were not totally interested in having children.  So when we saw baby stuff or clothes we weren't ooohhing or awing over any of it.  To us it was just really small clothing and toys.   Now I can count on my wife to cry over an outfit and I will even admit there are some cute baby things out there.  Now I am going to go grab my man card and go blow something up while wearing sports gear.

7.  You are now obviously pregnant

Trying to hide that bump.  Well sorry, not going to happen anymore.  Your wife will feel like a whale and looked like she beat you in a pizza eating contest.  You can't get around it, you can tell she is having your baby.

8.  You can feel and see your kid doing Kung Fu moves
I'm convinced that our baby girl is going to be a soccer star, Kung Fu master or she is doing a 1980's kick punch dance out her rage moves.  She kicks the day lights out of my wife's stomach.  This actually is one of the coolest parts as you get to feel your kid and watch them move.  It becomes so real and it is quite amazing.  It reminds you that there is a person growing in there that is a mix of you and the person you love.  And we can't wait to meet our baby girl.

Merry Christmas
The End~

Home for the Holidays (Week 23)

So just like everyone else in Amurica (I said it just like that) we celebrated stuffing your face then feeling guilty and trying to figure out when you can work out next holiday of Thanksgiving!  Or the stuffing your face, watching football and laughing at all those people that want to work out holiday. Either one is fine.
Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays and usually I go down to see my family and then we switch with my wife's family.  This was an important holiday season because this will be the last time I will celebrate these holidays with just my wife (as you haven't figured out I'm having a kid).  As much as I love the holidays I learned a couple things while thinking about Thanksgiving and Christmas.

1.  I would lose or break my kid during the holidays

Now my wife and I have been blessed with ADD, we forget many things.  This isn't indicating that we WILL lose our kid, but whenever I think of the holidays, there is always a sense of pandimonium that is worrying.  I understand that there are somethings I won't be able to do.  I can't sit in front of a TV watching football all day and not because my wife hates it, but I need to show my kid attention.  The problem is that my attention is all over the place.  Thankfully we have other relatives to keep track of this baby so there are several eyes on her.

2.  Sleeping after food comas will be a thing of the past.

Thanksgiving is a great time to stuff your face!  The other awesome thing is to take a nice food coma nap or sleep.  Sleeping in is one of God's wonderful gifts to human kind, which usually disappears when you have a kid.  I just realized since my wife is getting farther along and our baby girl loves to kick and be SUPER active between 9pm-3am that I probably won't be able to have my post food coma or sleep in for that matter.  I've decided one of my best bets ia that when she naps, I nap or do like a WWF wrestling match and tag in.                                                                                                                              

3.  My wife and I have both lost our luster.

Okay so this may sound selfish, but I realized that my wife and I have lost our luster when it come to holiday gifts.  All I heard this past week was: I can't wait to buy this for the baby, I have the perfect gift for your baby, what do you think the baby will want, baby....baby......baby!  Have I mentioned that our baby isn't even born yet???!!   I get it, babies are cute, adorable and I will love my baby girl like no tomorrow, but really??  I guess I will have to deal with this for the next 10-15 years.   

Seriously fellas when you are having a kid one of the best things is to come to an understanding that life will not be the same.  But this isn't anything new: leaving high school, going to college, getting married: all of those moments provided the same opportunity for growth.  This is no different.....except it comes with a poopy diaper. 

Well 3.5 months to go....

The End~

And on Your Left We Have Babies....(week 21)

So you know how I've discussed that I do not have that much baby knowledge.  Well future fathers never fear because that is what classes are for.  So I learned from my wife that the hospital offers classes on things like how to not kill your child, how to put a car seat in a car and my favorite Diapers 101.

No, really this is a great thing for people like me as again I know nothing about babies.  These classes are to help aid new parents and make sure that they do not go into the wrong places while they are freaking out about the inbound child.

So to ease our way into it we thought that taking a tour of the baby side of the hospital would be good.  So we arrive and have about nine other couples with us.  We find out where to park, for how long and where to take our loved ones.  There even is a stroller parking lot (no kidding) for those parents who wanted extra humans in their home.

So let me just give you the highlights:

1.  I've learned that there are always some people (esp. with pregnancy) who have alternative forms of doing things.  We had a lady go crazy over one of the practices the hospital uses.  It was fun to watch and scary.

2.  The baby side of the hospital rocks.  This place is better than about 85% of the hotels I've stayed in. Fancy lighting, didn't smell like bed pans or sterile latex gloves and the big shocker: people were actually very kind.  It was really weird.

3.  Whenever the tour guide would give us baby questions to answer I got 96% wrong.  I wonder if that should give my future baby hope.  Like she asked "when a baby has bubbles forming on the side of it's mouth what do you do?"   My answer: laugh or blow on them to see if they float.  Yup this parenting thing is going to be a loooong road.

4.  Seeing the little babies, in the room that reminds me of people looking at animals at the zoo, was really cool.  That part made the whole thing real.  A little person is coming and we gotta pray and prepare.

Well there you have it.  Baby tour down and how to care for your infant next (which apparently is 8 hours!!??)  If your a first time dad and/or you could care less about your pride then take a class.  It's worth it.

The End~

So I'm Having a Girl (Part 2)

So the last time we met my friends was our awkward encounter with a doctor who had to "prove" themself and their skill.  Well as my wonderful wife put out, I never said how I felt about having a girl or any of my first reactions to knowing that we were having a girl.  So here we go:

Let me give you some background.  So for the longer part of this pregnancy my wife has been hyping up that we would have a boy.  Bugging me for boys names (me promising to give her boys names I liked), wishing that she had a little me, dreaming of a little mo-hawk (what I used to have), etc.  She told me she did that because she really wanted a girl but didn't want to be let down (not that she wouldn't have loved our boy).  Anyway I say all that as my brain seemed to be programmed to a boy. So when I heard it was a girl it kinda hit me pretty hard.
So here are the reactions we discussed the day we found out from "Sir TMI" that we were having a girl:

Katie's reaction to a girl:
Tutus
Fro Pigtails
Cute outfits
Looking forward to finding cute things on Pinterest


My reaction:
I need to buy a gun
Is it still legal to torture boyfriends?
If she has Katie's smile and eyes then pretty much I'm useless discipline wise.
Since she's a girl, and most girls I've met never claim to fart, then maybe diaper changes won't be so bad (one can dream right?)
I'm totally outnumbered.

Do all guys get this innate reaction when having a girl?  Does every boy suddenly become enemy #1 and you will judo chop any boy in the neck that comes sniffing around?  I know I did. 

Either way I very excited to be having a girl.  I can't wait to hear her laugh, make faces at her, and just enjoy the life that God gives me to be with her.  One thing is for sure, she will be a Manchester United fan.  Oh yes, she will!

The End~

So I'm Having a Girl (Week 19)

If you haven't figured it out or if I haven't posted it on here my wife and I are having a girl.  Now most people would just shrug knowing that they were having a girl, not me.

Of course if you read this blog at all you have already realized either that A.  These people are a little "off"   B. Nothing seems to happen in a normal way.

Speaking of that, just similar to my advice to people who say dumb things to pregnant women, this needs to go for doctors and technicians.  Why be so weird?  First it took 25 mins of exploring my wife's stomach to tell us what the sex was.  I could handle that, though seriously I was falling asleep (don't hate, it was warm and the chair was comfortable).  Anyway they always bring in a doctor to confirm everything the tech person just told you.  By now we know it is a girl so as he runs through all the health stuff this is the exact interaction between us and him.

Dr.  So everything looks good and looks like you are having a girl.
Us: awesome great.
Dr.  Now I'm not just making that up.  I'm not just saying that because I don't see a penis.  (serious face)
Us.  Umm ok
Dr.  No really see here that's the ehhh and the blahhh and so yeah you are having a girl.
Us.  Umm hmm (tip lipped either from not trying to laugh or cry)

If you could have seen my face during this exchange it may have looked like this:

Look I get that the healthcare profession isn't always up to par, but when a technician and a doctor tell me something I'm more prone to trust them.
I think because he was awkward and not cool about it made it worse.  Like if Denzel was explaining this I am sure it would have gone smoothly.

But trust me my wife felt the same way so I didn't feel too bad, but she did see this face from me.  I just wanted to stand up and say: look man I trust you, I really do, its all good.  



Anyways if you are guy (or girl) just be prepared for the weirdness that comes with pregnancy.  Trust me you never see this stuff coming.



The End ~

"Oh gosh, I don't know anything!" (Week 18)

So as I have stated before: my wife and I have no baby experience at all.  We don't hold other people's babies nor have we ever had the desire to.   When we found out we were having a baby it was really an area we knew nothing about.  So we knew that we needed to find some resources and such to give us an idea of what is going to happen.

My wife and her wisdom found a book and tabbed it in several places and told me to read it.  No problem.   I began in a section that I thought I could handle: diapers.  I began reading and the only thing that came out of my mouth was : oh my gosh, I don't know anything!   (think agonizing defeat)

Here are a couple things that I learned and that as first time fathers you should know:

1.  Infants can use up to 14 diapers a day!

Yes you heard that correctly.  I get that their little mouths are closer to their butts than adults, but does food really go through them that fast?  They recommend 600 diapers for the first month and a half. Met with a friend and he can verify that you will go through diapers like drinking water.  Speaking of water check out this interesting fact : A newborn urinates about every 20 minutes and then roughly every hour at 6 months.  No long road trips for us!!!!

2.  They eat every couple hours.

Now this sounds more normal to someone like me, because I eat pretty much anytime I can.  So I understand that a kid needs to throw down some food pronto.   The good thing no steak for our baby since a baby cannot taste salt until it is 4 months old. (The delay may be related to the development of kidneys)

This is for you first time dads who like to do research:

3.  Whenever you try to buy (or research) something for an infant, it seems if you do not buy the right item it always appears to lead to death.

So I spent a couple weeks researching a crib.  Reviews of cribs made it sound like kids are dying left in right in these prison cell monster death traps!  Then I researched the mattress for the crib and certain mattresses need to have this that thing or that thing or else......you guess it could lead to death.  Buy the right outfit or else.  Now I understand there are certain things you should look out for (chemicals being used, glues, cause kids slobber and gnaw on everything.)   But this feels exactly like when you google that cough you have had for more than a week and you check WebMd and it tells you no matter what that it's cancer.

Some runner ups I thought were funny:

There is an actual book called "The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding" 

(I always thought it was womanly!)

Most newborns will lose all the hair they are born with in the first three or four months of life.

(No rogain needed it comes back)

There is a La Leche League  (They are like the comic book Justice League but for milk)

Saw a chapter on breast pumps, immediately skipped it as it scared me.

The End~

What Not to Say to a Pregnant Woman (Week 17)

As a husband you always try to be careful what you say to your wife.  There are several questions that can get you in trouble or trap you (and which I believe is some sort of wife conspiracy to destroy us).  For example:
"Honey do I look fat in this?"
"Do you still think I'm pretty?"
"Do you like this outfit on me?"

Anyway, if you have been trained well by your wife these questions aren't a problem., but pregnancy does present some drastic changes.  Your wife will need an elastic band for her pants.  As exciting as this sounds (I love me some jogging pants) this isn't because Thanksgiving was a blast, but because she is carrying a living person in her!  As she goes through changes she needs affirmation and encouragement throughout to remind that she really is pretty and beautiful.

Which leads me to the title.  People just be normal when talking to pregnant ladies.  Don't be weird.  Just say congrats, maybe a little bit of wisdom and go home.  Unfortunately people seem to not understand that there are certain things you should never say to a pregnant woman.  These statements were actually made to my wife:

"I saw you from behind, and knew you were pregnant."
"You're only four months, you're HUGE!"
"Why are you touching your stomach, we already know it's there."
"I had the perfect pregnancy." (esp. while you're in pain)
"Were you planning this?"
"You look puffy and tired."

Maybe you have a strange comment you would want to share.  Just put it in the comments section.  Trust me, my wife and I will get a kick out of it, especially if it's stranger than these gems.

The End~

There Can Only Be One (Week 16)

What has been interesting to me as a husband has been watching the hard changes that my wife has gone through over the last 16 weeks.  The first trimester my wife didn't want to touch food at any point.   I had to give up awesome omelets just so she wouldn't look like she would barf (reference Spongebob pic).  That took a backseat to the second trimester which brought a completely opposite effect.

Now I have always had a pretty high metabolism: I could eat a dozen donuts, a pizza with skittles and not gain an ounce.   Today my metabolism is still pretty high and I eat pretty much anything in site.  Yeah yeah so what's the problem you ask?  My wife is doing the  exact same thing.  The last few weeks have been a nightmare.  I usually will inhale large quantities of food but now there are two of us (or three of us technically) doing this.  This baby has made my wife regain her appetite, but in a way I have not seen from her before.  

 While on vacation,  my wife frequently would simultaneously eat her food and mine!  MINE!!!!  (Anyone who knows me, knows I am pretty protective of my food)  We aren't talking dainty little meals, I'm talking man burgers, fries and other large amounts of protein.  She says this may be a sign that it is a boy and that we would be in trouble.  I certainly hope not cause if this keeps up 95% of my paycheck will go just towards food.  FOOD!!  And let's be honest the second stage of that is diapers.

So fellas just be prepared.  The first trimester can be filled with not wanting to eat too much and tons of morning sickness (or not).  The second trimester: protect or hide your food.  

I tried talking to the kid about this but I haven't heard back yet. 

The End~

My First Real Enemy (Week 14)

So my wife and I finally picked out a couple of baby things.  Remember my wife and I have absolutely NO baby experience or baby product experience.  On the other hand I am a pretty good researcher and so after digging into a couple of reviews and places we purchased our crib.  It has all that safety baby stuff that mothers commonly freak out about.  Our child can gnaw on that sucker all they want and not get harmful chemicals in their body!  Whoo hooo!

Anyway when I looked at this thing all I could think about was prison.  The crib is a prison for little people.  Its stylish and cute (according to my wife) and it wasn't as hard as some Ikea stuff I've had to put together, but it is a prison.  

I bet I could do a google image search to find kids grabbing the bars (imagine me leaving at this point to go searching through baby prison images on google).

Anyway that wasn't the purchase that has become my number #1 enemy.  It's the confounded pregnancy pillow!!  Yes this pillow has ruined my life since its inception into our home.  First of all this mammoth beauty of softness is close to 5.5 feet long!  Yeah see that little island section to the left, that is my area.  I know I am not a big guy, but I bump into that Mexican border every night. 

I feel like it has replaced me as a husband.  After reading several reviews on this thing, I realized that this is an epidemic.  Husbands everywhere have complained that this pillow is a monstrosity and is slowly nudging them out of existence.  But my wife needs it and loves it.  She basically builds a fort every night.  I usually have to knock to get in. 

Either way that pregnancy pillow is still my number #1 enemy.   

The End~

Sonogram Machines: Kinda like that old computer that never works (week 8)

Sorry I know this entry isn't in order but I forgot to post it so here it is!

So my wife and I got to see our kid for the first time.  Basically it looked like an grainy alien photo from some guy investigating Area 51 in the 1960's.  Either way we were really excited, except for a couple of things.

First I think it is basically torture to make a pregnant woman have to have a a full bladder in order to take this test.  I know there is some technical things behind this, but even I started to feel bad for her.  So then a feisty Spanish lady comes in and tells my wife all she needs to do. Lay back, Jelly on the stomach and boom.......alien photo.  But then like all good PC's it locked up. Frozen in time the photo of our kid.   This lady tried everything that my dad used to do to the VCR (yes dating myself) when I was kid.  A few bangs on top of it, bang on the keyboard a little bit, but to no avail.

So my wife and I sit there watching her run through her "oh crap this thing isn't working" checklist. In fairness my wife and I did recommend turning it off then on again technique.

Anyway, they bring in another lady who looks at it and repeats the same steps our lovely Spanish lady did.  They begin to argue like an old married couple, which reassures both my wife and I.  The next logical step: call IT, those guys know what they are doing right???!!

So a guy who reminded me of a friend from college comes in and is very polite.  At this point mind you there are three grown adults, myself and my wife in that super warm gown still on the table in a  6' X 6' room!    I smile as I watch everyone huddle around this machine.  Curse you Windows 7!!!!!    Finally the IT guy is like: I have no idea what's wrong with it.  After thinking they need to probably not have a complicated Operating System for a sonogram machine, they finally decided to move us to another room.

It is there that I got to see my kid, dancing around (yes dancing) in my wife's uterus.  Queue up dancing motions as I write this.   It was exciting!!

So I learned that all computers are the same.  When you really need them to work, they don't.  This adventure reminded me of all the times I needed to print some important paper in college only to have my printer die or computer freeze up.  Either way I'm still sticking to the turn it off and on again technique.

The End~

The First Trimester in Review (Weeks 1-10)

So I'm going to be a dad.  I am excited, I really am.  I have no experience with infants: I have only held one infant in my entire life (and his butt was warm...whatever that means) and in all actuality no experience with toddlers either.  I have been taking this pregnancy thing day to day.  

So it has been 11 weeks since my wife and I found out she was pregnant and she is turning into this pregnancy computer that has a wacky hard drive with a virus that does unpredictable things.

So I figured why not do a small review of the wonderful first trimester (with the understanding not all women go through this):

First she will cry.....about everything. 

Sad movies...crys
Comedy with a slightly sad scene....crys
Pictures of puppies or kittens.....crys
Old couples holding hands.........crys (though I may do that sometimes)
Craving for food and she knows she can't have.....crys
Crying..........crys some more

I kid you not.  Now I understand not all women are like this, but my wife is so that has to mean someone else out there in this world does this too.
One night I was going to bed and began reading my book and BAM I hear weeping on the other side of the bed.  There is no rhyme nor reason it just happens and maybe all this happens because this is exactly what is going to happen 8 months from now!!  Preparation.  Thanks honey!

She will eat the strangest combinations of food and have strong cravings.

I am luckier than most guys in that my wife doesn't crave peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with pickles and baby back ribs.  But she does desire food at weird times and sometimes involve strange combinations (tomato and avocados sandwich??).   I always feel like I am in hostage negotiations with my wife over certain foods.  They make no sense.  It is like drunk college frat boys running through a grocery store collecting random foods for tonights party!


I think I'm going to barf....all the time.  

Now I know not all women endure the dreaded morning sickeness but my wife was not one of them.  I had to give up some beloved foods just so that she wouldn't feel like she was going to barf when she smelled them (trust me pregnant women smell EVERYTHING!).  Sometimes people say don't worry it will get better in the 2nd trimester, but not for everyone.  

The End~

Heading to the Doctors (Week 9.5)

So we had our first doctors appointment today.  The baby centers are actually quite interesting.  First they have a TV telling you of all the diseases you don't want your kid to have.  Thanks TV!! (in my best Jim Gaffigan voice)

Not only do they have the disease TV, but only baby books and magazines telling you what your baby should eat, how they should sleep, and what you should name them.

So we sit in the waiting room with about 15 other women and I am one out of two guys in the room. Not awkward at all.

As a guy I have never felt comfortable being in "lady situations."  I grew up around women and it was always uncomfortable.  So we head to the examination room to meet the OBGYN.

As you can see the room is filled with female lady parts.  Not quite the thing I look forward to.  The doctor is nice and very straight forward. She decides that she would like to do a few "female" examinations."  That was my first warning of "Oh gosh I should get out of here."  With swiftness she proceeds to do her thing.  My poor wife was being poked and prodded (literally) and guess who had a front row seat (approx. 2 ft away) from this wonderful action and tried to look around the room at something.
There wasn't a single thing that I could look at that didn't make me feel like I was a weirdo or really uncomfortable (remember female lady parts everywhere).
Fellas, just prepare yourselves if you decided to go with your wife to her appointments (and you should!).  Bring a book, an Ipad, or anything for you to look at.


Afterwards I took my wife out for a nice lunch, because I felt like she deserved it after all her trauma and mine.

The End~

Maybe You Should Take Another One (Week 6)

I have always been a skeptic.  Doesn't matter what it is, I have always been a skeptic.  And I am not the jerk kind that just shoots down everything.  I just like to be sure: it can be a blessing and a curse.

So my journey begins when my wife tells me that she has been late.  Late?  What do you mean?  She hasn't had her period.  

Ooook.  We both knew that we were trying to have a kid, but with that mention of a late period, it just got real!

So I do my amazon prime purchase and two days later she takes the test.

First I read the directions on the box. Mistake.  I so laughed because peeing on a stick or in a cup then putting the stick in, sounds like the behavior of 12 year old boy or drunk people.

So the result: positive.

Now you would think that at this point, because I love my wife I would jump up and down in hysteria or be depressed (depends what movie you watch). Wrong!

The need for assurance came out: "maybe you should take another one for good measure?"

Second one: positive

My wisdom: "Okay so we have one more in the box, let's try that one too!"

Third one: positive

Okay I can't fight this.  I just really want to be sure.  Cause when you find out your wife is pregnant you are truly excited (as I was), but then you also start to think (not necessarily right away) of terrible things: diseases, miscarriages, no money and no sleep.

I relented to a degree.  She told me we would need to take a blood test to confirm, but for the most part three tests don't lie.  Boom you are going to be a dad!

My kid would be proud of my confidence in the First Response pregnancy test! (note the sarcasm)

The End~

So I'm Going to be a Dad....

Ever feel like all you see on Facebook are pictures of people's babies or their dogs?  Well I finally get to be one of those jerks who will take tons of pictures his kid.

When I found out that I was going to have a kid I went searching for blogs written by dads.  I wanted an account of the pregnancy through the first couple years of their kids lives.  Most of the blogs I found either didn't address the pregnancy part or just didn't fit what I was looking for: real but hopeful.

So I've decided to chronicle the pregnancy and the first couple years of my child's life.  It will be real.  by real I mean I won't make it sound sweeter than it is.  I won't beat around the bush.  I will be honest with humor.   Pregnancy is tough, there are tons of awkward moments, and there are some hard times and great times.  All of it needs to be heard and I won't hold that back.

Also, I am a Christian so I will have deeper meaning behind the birth of my child.  Since I believe having a child is a display of the gospel and how God cares for us, at times I will reflect on it.  It won't be the dominate conversation but it will come up.  If you don't like it, just skip over it. It won't hurt my feelings.

So the journey begins.  I hope this will help those who are first time parents, especially dudes.  I want to create a blog that goes through what a guy sees his wife going through.  My worries, my anxieties along with the weird things, the funny things and the cool things about having a kid.

The End

What We Can Learn From Apple

I know that not all of you may be Apple fans.  It really is a love/hate relationship, trust me I know!  I was a PC guy for years and when smart phones came along I purchased a Droid.  As time went on I was introduced to the Apple world and haven't turned back (I own a majority of Ieverything).  Whatever your view is of Apple they definitely have some pretty awesome business philosophies.  In preparation for the WWDC event today for the new Iphone 5s/5c I watched the older one from June 2013.  The intro video had something that I thought was brilliant in regards to their business philosophy and thought man this works perfect with the church (from a pastor's or leaders perspective).

Here is what the video said:

Designing something requires focus:
What do we want people to feel?        Delight.......Love.......connection

Then we begin to craft around that intention:

It takes time.

We perfect
We start over

Until everything we touch...enhances each life it touches."

Now what does this have to do with a church?
Many times in ministry we get tied to 1,000 different projects.  We are stretched too thin as we have our hand in many different things.  Not only is this ineffective but it is exhausting.  Two things needs to happen:
1.  What is the focus of our church?  Most people would be like, duh Jesus! That people would come to know the person and work of Jesus Christ.

2.  What do we want people to feel?  The presence of a mighty, loving, caring, invincible (add more adjectives from Chris Tomlin's song)  God!

Finally we begin to craft around that intention:
We should be bias with our worship services and ministries because they should revolve around the fact that we want to make Jesus known!  Whether it is a Bible study group, a fellowship group, a choir, a new members class, a mission trip, an outreach project, we purposely craft everything around that intention.

Which means:
-cutting or modifying things that just don't do that! (Think of it as ministry pruning---stop doing the thing that doesn't work!)

-training and encouraging members involved in these ministries to ensure we are all on the same page

-Whatever we put out as a church we make sure we have planned it, displayed it, and even perfected it so that we leave a good impression (there are always first timers out there----how do you want them to feel?)

Because in the end, Jesus doesn't enhance their life, He gives them life.  Our churches are made for the sole purpose of glorifying Him and making Him known!

Be Blessed!

The Power of Knowing a Name

My wife and I have been renting the first season of "The Middle."  It is a TV comedy that follows the Heck family, a middle class family living...well life.  You get insight into their marriage, having kids/teens and the struggles of middle to lower class families.  A recent episode had the 7th grade daughter, Sue Heck, being taken to youth group at their church for the first time.  Sue remarks that "don't losers and geeks go to youth group?"  Let's just say she isn't that thrilled and her brother, Axel, gives her the advice that she just needs to "wait it out as mom will get tired of taking her."  

Sue goes and she ends up meeting the youth pastor: Rev. Tim Tom (short for Timothy Thomas).   He does what ever youth pastor does by singing a song about how tough it is being a teen( note my sarcasm).  Actually he launches into several songs about being a teen is hard.  For reference watch this youtube clip: REV. Tim Tom

Though he is funny and Sue (primarily at the beginning) has probably a touch of a crush on him, she says something interesting in the show that has provoked me to write a blog about it.  After learning that Rev. Tim Tom is leaving (first because the church refinished the pews and couldn't pay for his salary then because he knows of some troubled youth in Dayton, OH) Sue is distraught and upset.  She says that she is upset by him leaving because "He gets me!"  But what does she mean by this?  She gives us what "getting her" really is: the fact that he knows her name.
 Throughout the first season, Sue is the person who can't seem to achieve anything.  She tries out for al most every club and sport and never gets in.  She isn't an athlete, and she isn't a scholar, therefore she is thrusted into the oddball category.   None of her teachers even know she exists in their classes and she struggles to find her place.  What matters most to Sue is that Rev. Tim Tom knows her name and that means something.  From here whatever Tim says she absorbs, whatever song he sings, she is listening because she knows that he cares enough to know her name!

Something can be said about this.  As a full time youth pastor for almost seven years I can tell you that knowing a kids name makes a difference.  I love to go out of my way to know the name of the kid in the corner not talking or really any kid for that matter.  I might not always get a kids name right or always remember it, but I certainly try.  Once I have their name I make sure to call it out when I see them.  I also try to remember something they enjoy or is unique to them.  I do this so they know that I am listening to them and that I care about them.

Though I can play guitar about as good as a 2 year old banging on piano keys, I have come to know the importance of knowing a kids name.  It can be a simple yet powerful tool to drawing closer to kids, developing relationships with them so that we can draw them closer to Christ.

Be Blessed

What the "Book of Mormon" musical can teach us.

Recently my wife and I had the opportunity to see the hit musical "Book of Mormon."  It was an incredible gift from my wife's parents and we were very thankful for the tickets.  I knew a little of what I would expect to see as it was written by the same people who did the Southpark episodes (of which I have seen a couple).     In short the Book of Mormon follows two elders (Price and Cunningham) on their missionary journey to spread the word of Christ.  They end up in war torn Uganda (not their favorite pick--Orlando FL was!)    They don't understand the culture (one quote---"Africa is not like the Lion King"), they struggle to present their beliefs, they struggle with doubt, they make stuff up to get conversions, and finally.....well go see it.  What I saw totally blew me away.  Musically/set design/ talent was simply wonderful.   These guys tackled a lot of issues that are not simply unique to the Mormon faith, but to all religions.  Even though this musical, like so many of the Southpark shows, does have some does at times cross the line, these guys touch on some things that I think are vital for the church (when I say church I mean Christian church) to learn or relearn.  Here is what I took from the musical:

1.  the Book of Mormon exposes the fact that we need to have an ability to laugh at ourselves. (even if it's at our expense)

I am not easily offended.  I think there is only one time in my life that I have actually been offended.  Yes they make fun of race, religious belief and culture.  But because they make fun of these things doesn't mean that some of jokes are not true.  Usually there is some grain of truth to it.  As a Christian I didn't have a problem with them making fun of how religious people act too pious.  That the beliefs sound silly (no lie had a youth tell me this once---we believe in a zombie and a place where everyone can be essentially zombies).  We can't be so uptight.  These guys are not believers, the play isn't for believers.  Keep the musical (just like we do with our Bible) in context.  I laughed, it was funny.  But I quickly realized that some of my friends would be offended that they would want to bust out the crosses and fire.  Deep breath, relax and don't take yourself so seriously.

2.  Book of Mormon causes us to evaluate how we approach people with the gospel.

Elder Price and Cunningham go into Uganda thinking they are just going to convert people left and right.  They end up finding out that:  A. Many churches have "come through" trying to convert people.  B. They struggle to find common ground.  C.  They make up stuff to make the people feel better (adding Star Trek and Star Wars characters to give the story some spice).  

As believers, we need to make sure that we approach people carefully, lovingly but also clearly with the message that we are carrying.  Between the wackos we see on TV and our propencity to sin, we must be even more vigilant in sharing the gospel in a way that will glorify God and give people a clear picture of who God is (both through speech and action).  We don't need to jazz up the story of God to make it attractive and we don't need to subtract things to make it more palpable.  

3.  We should be attuned to and respect the culture of other people (domestic and foreign).

One aspect in the play is that all the elders present in Uganda struggle to understand their culture and values.  At one point jokingly one points out after they see violence and the hardships of the Ugandan people an elder says "Africa is not like the Lion King at all!"  I have been out of the country twice in the last two years and one aspect that I make sure is in our travel plans are to learn certain cultural aspects of those countries we visit.  Little nuances to help understand the people and country we visit rather than forcing them to adapt to ours.  It goes a loooooong way.  I can even point out several Americans in the countries we visit because of this very issue.  When it comes to sharing our faith, developing relationships within the culture of the people is a powerful tool and amazing things happen.  

4.  We need to be honest with our faults, our doubts, our struggles, with God and the church.

There is a very witty song within the musical called "Turn it off"  The song follows how the two elders mentioned  earlier struggle with the troubles of sharing their faith with the Ugandans.  This musical number is to illustrate that when you struggle or things in life get you down just: "turn it off, like a lightbulb.  Just go click, its a neat Mormon trick."  Within the song different elders speak about the abuse of parents, homosexual urges, and a variety of scenarios.  Rather than dealing with them, praying about them, being open and honest about their struggles they just "turn it off" or push it deep down and never deal with it.  Now this sounds silly, but being in the church for over 13 years (6 of them working IN the church) I have seen a number of people do this.  Rather than be open and honest about their struggles, they "turn it off" and  simply put a smile on their face, tell you everything is great.  One of my favorite quotes that helps remind me that I'm not okay: "The church is not a museum for good people, but a hospital for the broken."  Broken (and redeemed) people reside in the church.  Not perfect, not good.  We are the best people to help those who are broken outside of the church.   Let's be honest with our doubts about God, the church and the struggles in our lives (though as my wife says don't emotionally throwup on someone).

This is an awesome musical with a lot that we can learn from.  It will be showing at the Kennedy Center till August 9th.  Be Blessed.

Discipline

Who likes to be disciplined? I know as a kid I would try to be sneaky thinking I could outsmart my parents. Though I believed I was so smart, 99.9% of the time I was caught and when I was, I was disciplined hard.  I never liked it.  I always acted like I was being put in prison or something.  What kid actually likes being disciplined?

To this day, as an adult I still do not like to be disciplined. Why? Because it goes against every fiber of my being (or flesh for you theologians).   It calls out my pride and it tells me "no" to things I want to say yes.  Some of the same reactions as a kid come in the same form as an adult (adults pouting is so pathetic!).

Though I dislike discipline, Scripture tells me that it is good for me. Hence when I came upon this verse  in Psalm 94:12-" "Blessed is the man you discipline, O Lord, the man you teach from your law."

I wonder if my parents thought they were blessing me when I got spanked or wasn't allowed to watch my favorite TV shows: Airwolf or Quantum Leap (early 90's shows, yes I'm dating myself).

 Why would I be blessed to be disciplined by God?

See when God disciplines us, it is to draw us closer to Him. His discipline keeps us focused on the heavenly and holy things as children of the Most High God. We see this same statement clearly in Hebrews 12:5-11. In this passage we gain 4 things about discipline:

-Discipline should never be taken lightly (12:5-6)
-Discipline is a sign that God loves us as His children (12:7)
-In the present discipline seems painful (its not supposed to be fun) but it will develop "fruits of righteousness" (12:11)

I woke up one morning at 5:45am and God really gripped my heart and here is what the Spirit told me in regards to discipline (something I'm still learning):

The motivation of God's discipline is love.
The object of God's discipline is holiness.

Did you get that?  I did put it in bold and made it bigger.  God loves us so much that he wants the best for us.  He wants us to see Him through the midst of our discipline.  It is completely motivated by His love for you and I.  I know my mom wasn't bored and I got in trouble because I was innocent.  I needed that discipline.  But she did it because she loved me!

At the same time the object of God's discipline is that you would look more like Him and less like you.  Be holy, because He is holy type mentality.  Powerful stuff!

Be Blessed!