Birthing Class....Yup Birthing Class. (Week 30)

So as you well know if you follow this blog that I am writing about pregnancy from a dudes perspective.  I plan on writing well into my child's younger years, just to help first time dads or so that you can laugh at me in the comfort of your living room or job (either one works).
So my wife thought it would be wise to take some classes to prepare us both.  She planned out the next couple of months so that we would have a better understanding of this whole baby thing the first class was on giving birth.  As a guy I was not thrilled, but I felt like watching a youtube video on the birthing process was a whole lot worse.

So here is my experience:

First I want to say that the class was worth it.  You should go to this class as a first time dad.  It will help you comfort your wife and not feel as terrified when the time comes.  I just wanted to make sure that was said before people thought I was just bashing this class.  It's a great class, go.

Highlights:
1.  Having the instructor using food as examples for birthing parts.....not cool.
I love food, but when you compare a mucus plug to a gummy bear and the fact that when my wife is ready to push she will be 10cm dilated which will look like a bagel doesn't help my breakfast or lunch selections the next day.  The next greatest thing that she could have done was dismiss us for lunch.  Luckily she didn't, but I would advise that any other kind of examples be used.  Just my 2 cents.

2.  It is really hard not to laugh out loud when the nurses call themselves "poop fairies."
Yes our instructor said that they refer to themselves as poop fairies.  First of all when poop is brought up in any context I giggle.  I know, it is so 5 year old behavior, but it is funny.  Anyway, it was in reference to the almighty question of what if I poop during labor.  I would think that would be the least of my worries, but she reassured her that they go down there like a pit crew at  NASCAR and you don't know that you did it.  Wonder if they do kid house calls?

3.  I'm pretty well prepared.
So not to be competitive, but I think I rocked out in this class.  The other dads look more scared than I did and when it came to demonstrating breathing techniques, I blasted that out of the park.  One dude even got reamed by his wife during lunch, maybe because he was supposed HEEEE when he was HOOOOing.

4.  My wife just laughed at me.
Okay so the nurse puts on music to symbolize each stage of labor.  A little orchestral piece turns into AC/DC into Rage Against the Machine for musical terror of your child being born.  Your job is to implement the comfort techniques that you learned in the class.   For once in my life I'm trying to be serious and doing all the steps and what does she do....laugh at me.  Okay so I sounded funny trying to replicate the breathing techniques: HOOOO HOOOO HEEEEEEEEE HOOO HOOO HEEEEEEE out loud.  Come to think it that does sound funny and none of the other "support persons" were doing it.  Oh well, the instructor gave me the thumbs up, great job, gold star wink and my wife just kept laughing.

Anyway, at least I wasn't the only guy!

Oh and for your enjoyment I put up the beautiful photos from 1988 of how to comfort your wife when she is in labor or throwing up.  It basically looks the same, because all the positions look like she is puking.   My favorite: the back to back puking style. 

Next up: How to use baby toys and devices to your advantage (Dude style)!

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Helpful Tips from a Pregnant Lady and her Husband (Week 29)

Pregnancy is hard.  Well really hard on the wife, but it can be hard for me too.  What can make it harder is when everyone wants to help you and give you "advice."  Sometimes it is good and sometimes it is well not so good.  So after talking with my wife, here are some things that you need to keep in mind if you are going to give advice to a couple having their first baby.

1. They are not you.  How you reacted or raised your first child won't necessarily be the same for the new couple.  How they handle their child, what they decide to do will be different from you.  There will be plenty of similarities but also plenty of differences.  

2. They grew up in a different house and culture than you did.  Maybe your mom and dad were always around (maybe not), maybe you lived in safe neighborhoods, maybe you lived in a shack, maybe you were raised by strangers, no matter how you were raised take into account that people having a kid had different parental experiences growing up than you did.  They were raised in a different setting than you.  Always be aware of this when talking or giving advice to people.  

3.  Sometimes you just need to mind your own business.  Though advice is helpful, not all advice is.  There have been several great people with great advice and but we've also experienced rude people who impose their style of care taking and then turn their nose up when you tell them how you plan on raising your kid.  If you don't like something: like daycare or the fact that the wife may go back to work (or not),  keep it to yourself.  Last time I checked, there was no perfect way to raise a kid (cause there are no perfect parents or methods).

4.  Never try to one up a couple:
Another aspect that isn't greatly appreciated is when someone "one ups" you.  This is where you say "man I am tired and I can't imagine what it will be like when I have my kid."  And you respond: "well imagine if you had 2,3,4,5,6,7 or any number that is higher than theirs."  Not only does this make you sound like you don't care, but it also makes it sound like you don't remember the moment, the emotions and the struggles of having your first kid.  People don't feel loved and frankly they don't feel anymore sympathy for you.  Imagine if you lost one of your parents and I responded well at least it wasn't both of them.  Doesn't ring out with encouragement does it?  

The point is this: advice is awesome.  Couples who are having their first baby need wise counsel from people who have been down that road before to help them anticipate upcoming changes.  When people give the kind of advice found above, it sounds more about them then about you.

What is most helpful is that your advice is not only anchored in love, but that is it also anchored some practicality.  If you want to give advice (at all stages of pregnancy and birth), then also be willing to provide help: physically (go to the home, ask if you can cook dinner, go to the grocery store for them take them out to dinner), emotionally (inquire on how they are doing, spend time with them, take them out to lunch, give them some personal stories) and spiritually (pray for them, tell them that you are praying for them and what you are praying for).  Sometimes advice can seem so hallow if it isn't anchored in love and with some practicality.

If you have any others you would like to add please do so in comments below!

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A Little Reflection (Week 29)

Okay so I'm going to be a dad.  Yeah yeah I know you're like, this dude all he talks about is being a dad.  Well being that this is the first one, I'd say that it is well within my rights to have this HUGE moment on my mind.  Anyway, since dooms day I mean our baby girls birth is coming soon I've been doing some thinking about having this girl.

1.  Having a kid is a great thing.

Will I be tired? Yup.  Will crying drive me up the wall? Sure thing.  Will I be overwhelmed at times trying to take care of both my child and my wife? Absolutely, but I will also cherish it.  Scriptures says that children are a blessing and that sometimes you want to strangle them (Okay maybe not that last part).   I have worked with teens and kids for over 10 years in several different venues, but I get to love, and disciple my own child.  That is an awesome thing.

2. Having a kid takes you further you away from yourself.

The greatest lesson my marriage taught me is that it is not about you.  I knew that cognitively before I got married, but it was actually played out when I did.  I have never experienced a better picture of what it meant to be selfless until I got married.  Now in preparation for a child, our hearts, our time and our money go to this kid (who isn't even here mind you).  I know that will surely increase when she is here (esp. the money part), but again that's a great thing.  I will have to care for this child, help feed, clothe, clean, bathe because they need my care and love.  It's the perfect example of what Christ has done for me: a broken child, who can't do anything and when he does messes up.  He feeds, guides, leads and cares for me, even when I don't want it.  The relationship structure of marriage and having children is to take your eyes off yourself.  My mind and heart are prone to be selfish and to make plans, but having this baby has rearranged that and I'm thankful for it.

3.  A feeling of wholeness.

Since we found out we were having a baby and after we both kinda freaked out at the notion that we could be parents, it really felt like our relationship was becoming whole.  When I was in college and even in the first year or so of our marriage I was content on being just me and my wife.  Traveling and going out and doing whatever we wanted whenever. If you knew me and my wife, you would know we were not the we want a baby eventually people.  We were the ehhh babies are poop machines with big appetites, no thanks.  Though we enjoyed all our time together, knowing that we are having this baby girl makes us feel whole.  I have a better understanind of those family passages in the Bible now, because the relationship aspect is no longer just about me or my wife.    

The End