Birthing Class....Yup Birthing Class. (Week 30)

So as you well know if you follow this blog that I am writing about pregnancy from a dudes perspective.  I plan on writing well into my child's younger years, just to help first time dads or so that you can laugh at me in the comfort of your living room or job (either one works).
So my wife thought it would be wise to take some classes to prepare us both.  She planned out the next couple of months so that we would have a better understanding of this whole baby thing the first class was on giving birth.  As a guy I was not thrilled, but I felt like watching a youtube video on the birthing process was a whole lot worse.

So here is my experience:

First I want to say that the class was worth it.  You should go to this class as a first time dad.  It will help you comfort your wife and not feel as terrified when the time comes.  I just wanted to make sure that was said before people thought I was just bashing this class.  It's a great class, go.

Highlights:
1.  Having the instructor using food as examples for birthing parts.....not cool.
I love food, but when you compare a mucus plug to a gummy bear and the fact that when my wife is ready to push she will be 10cm dilated which will look like a bagel doesn't help my breakfast or lunch selections the next day.  The next greatest thing that she could have done was dismiss us for lunch.  Luckily she didn't, but I would advise that any other kind of examples be used.  Just my 2 cents.

2.  It is really hard not to laugh out loud when the nurses call themselves "poop fairies."
Yes our instructor said that they refer to themselves as poop fairies.  First of all when poop is brought up in any context I giggle.  I know, it is so 5 year old behavior, but it is funny.  Anyway, it was in reference to the almighty question of what if I poop during labor.  I would think that would be the least of my worries, but she reassured her that they go down there like a pit crew at  NASCAR and you don't know that you did it.  Wonder if they do kid house calls?

3.  I'm pretty well prepared.
So not to be competitive, but I think I rocked out in this class.  The other dads look more scared than I did and when it came to demonstrating breathing techniques, I blasted that out of the park.  One dude even got reamed by his wife during lunch, maybe because he was supposed HEEEE when he was HOOOOing.

4.  My wife just laughed at me.
Okay so the nurse puts on music to symbolize each stage of labor.  A little orchestral piece turns into AC/DC into Rage Against the Machine for musical terror of your child being born.  Your job is to implement the comfort techniques that you learned in the class.   For once in my life I'm trying to be serious and doing all the steps and what does she do....laugh at me.  Okay so I sounded funny trying to replicate the breathing techniques: HOOOO HOOOO HEEEEEEEEE HOOO HOOO HEEEEEEE out loud.  Come to think it that does sound funny and none of the other "support persons" were doing it.  Oh well, the instructor gave me the thumbs up, great job, gold star wink and my wife just kept laughing.

Anyway, at least I wasn't the only guy!

Oh and for your enjoyment I put up the beautiful photos from 1988 of how to comfort your wife when she is in labor or throwing up.  It basically looks the same, because all the positions look like she is puking.   My favorite: the back to back puking style. 

Next up: How to use baby toys and devices to your advantage (Dude style)!

The End~