The Arrival (Week .2)

I think every first dad should write down his account of when his baby arrived.  That way you not only  have a written account but you can refer to it to brush up on the details as you tell it to your child 500 times.  

With that intro: OUR BABY HAS ARRIVED!  Finally after 9 months of waiting, our baby girl is finally here.  So how was it you ask (or didn't but Im telling you anyway)?  Warning this is long, so I won't feel bad if you want to read the first few lines then skip down to the bottom.  It won't hurt my feelings.  

Like this:

My wife woke me up at 3:20am complaining of pains she had never felt before.  Of course both of us were reflecting on the hoards of information we received from our baby classes.  Like google we came up with every single answer (except cancer--THANKS WEBMD) to what this cause was.  We thought they may have been false contractions or Braxton Hicks (which sucks women get faux contractions with the pain??!!).  I continued to rub her back and try to make her feel as comfortable as possible.  Do you remember my post where I jokingly put the 1980's throw up positions (would have been on the classes or training)?  Well as funny as they looked those were the most comfortable positions for my wife.  So we did them for a couple hours and it did help.  My wife mainly laid in bed on her side to alleviate most of the pain, but she was miserable.  We called our doctors office around 9:30am and they told us if we wanted to come in that we could.  Now listen here, if your wife isn't dilated enough, they will send you back home.  We really didn't want to deal with that.  So we waited another hour and a half and finally my wife said "You need to take me to the hospital."  So I grabbed our go bag, car seat and began to head out.  My wife waited between contractions and zoomed out of our house quicker than I've ever seen a woman in her 3rd trimester (read that blog).  

We arrived at the hospital where my wife was heaving like a fat kid doing suicides.  We managed to get to the right floor where before we could get to the nurse station we were helped.  The pain was pretty bad.  How could I tell, well my wife was clinging to me tighter than a fat kid with a twinkie.   So we got her checked out and they determined that they would keep her.  We moved to a second LDR room (Labor and Delivery) where it was super spacious, had the baby warming tray, the birthing bed and a couch.  Pretty swank for delivering babies I would say.  

My wife was still in pain as she was having contractions every 4 minutes.  She did what your wife will do as well: "Get me the drugs!"   So they called for the drug guy.  He came about 2.5 hours later which with a pregnant woman who is having contractions is an eternity.  He made polite conversation and proceeded to make some jokes while doing his job.  Note to anyone who is human--cracking jokes when a pregnant woman is having contractions is usually not the best approach.  Once my wife got the drugs she was gooooooooooooooood.  I said that really long to emphasize the greatness of the drugs.

Her parents arrived and waited.  After the drugs it simply became a waiting game.  We waited for hours for this baby to do something.  It is important to know that you could wait a really long time to see your child.  I continued to grab her ice chips and water.  Cool thing: the hospital has free food for you when you are having a baby.  Its awesome!  Anyway,  day turned to night and around 7:30pm the doctor came in and said that they thought that it would be a good time to try to get this baby party going.  

So the doc grabs all her gear like she is about to go to war.  She grabs a splash shield helmet, gloves, covers her whole body and grabs a table that swivels with tools.  It actually can look kinda frightening.  So my wife gets her game face on and starts pushing.  At this point it gets real.  I know that there was this little person growing inside of her the whole time but it really never hit me till this point. 

Pushing a baby is exhausting and my wife pushed and pushed. We did have a bit of a scare during the birth.  Our babies heart rate was skyrocketing to 210 (usually a heart stays around 140-50 for a baby, you and I with moderate/high exercise hit 140).  So they had to stop several times.  They were worried that they would have to do an emergency c section.   But my wife was like heck no and she pushed our baby out five minutes later. 18 hour labor, 10 minute push birth and here came this full head of hair silly baby girl. 

I can't really describe the feeling of when my daughter was born.  You would think all that is happening below my wife's waist I would have no interest.  But all I cared about at that moment was my wife and my baby.  I really didn't care what happened outside of that.  Everything could have been falling apart and I wouldn't have cared.  It's a surreal moment and one that I'm am so glad I felt.  

We spent two nights in the hospital. The staff and nurses were incredibly awesome.  Katie had a 2nd degree tear (a tear on the perineum----yes babies heads don't always naturally fit--so check your genetics!!).  I spent every waking moment I had with my daughter and in a way still do.  It was a very long day, but the reward of having our daughter healthy and fully developed was worth it.   As a guy I felt rather useless at times, but you are made to support your wife, love her and care for her during the long arduous process of labor.  

Seeing my daughter being born was one of the greatest moments in my life.  Thank you Jesus!

Oh forgot to,mention that our baby girl pooped on my wife after she was born.  That was kinda funny. 

The End

Third trimester Review (Week 38)

Spoiler alert: We are having a baby. We are now in the waiting game for our baby girl to leave the womb and see our goofy smiles.  So I've written about what to expect, what weird things can happen and what things you wish you never knew as a guy.  I have done reviews of the first and second trimester and now it is time for the third.

What to expect:

Your wife feels like a bus.  Naturally she is gaining around 20-35 pounds (yes it is varying depending on who you are) and she feels like the Michelin Man (except not running like in the photo).  Towards the middle/end of third trimester she is swollen on her hands and feet. Hopefully you don't gain 20-35 pounds with her!

She needs help with socks and shoes.
Due to all that swelling your wife may have a hard time putting on her shoes.  I think it is a true test for when your little kid becomes a toddler. Just be careful when taking her socks off and she is ticklish, she may kick you in the face.

She still eats you out of house and home.
I eat all the time and it is hard to keep up with my own appetite, but add two people with that problem and you have disaster waiting to happen.  As soon as I find food, I see her blue eyes pop out from around the corner asking me what am I doing?  That is code for "so you're making me food right?"

She may be obsessed with ice

My wife for some reason is in love with ice, probably more than she is in love with me.  We struggle to keep any ice in our freezer as she loads up her Nalgene with 10-20 ice cubes.  Maybe she is overheated or became an Eskimo, but I still do not understand it.

She will have plenty of insomnia 

So my wife as a gift got me a Fitbit.  I love this thing (she also got one for herself) as I can track what I eat, how many steps I walk a day and track how I sleep.  Lately I do not sleep well.  Due to her feeling like a bus, swollen body parts and just feeling uncomfortable she doesn't sleep.  And anyone who has been married understands that when the wife doesn't sleep you don't sleep either.

Excuse me but your baby is showing!

Though many men have joked around about the movement of a baby being similar to that scene in alien...it's true.  Our baby girl moves around like there is some sort of fiesta or kung-fu demonstration going on in my wife's belly.  I actually play the game of when she sticks something out I push it back in and she will push it back out.  Hopefully that isn't some sort of rebellious omen for me being her daddy.
Either way the third trimester is a tiring but exciting time.  Your wife will need you more than ever as the time gets closer to giving birth to your awesome child.

Here are some last/quick recommendations.
1. Keep your cell phone on you at all times.
2. Hide food or snacks somewhere if she eats all your food.
3. Be available to help anyway that she needs it.
4. Prepare/complete a schedule (work, etc) so that post-baby you can be there as much as possible.


The End~

Breast feeding Class....Yup You Heard It Right (Week 34)

Okay, the title is a little misleading cause no amount of classes will help me breastfeed.

Anyway, my wife is wise and so we have been attending a variety of baby classes.  We took a general birthing class (check out that post here) and gained quite a bit of knowledge about babies.  My wife insisted that I come to the breastfeeding class as well.  Side note: I was not thrilled about this class and felt that it would be SUPER awkward.  So here it is.

1.  They are going to show breasts.
First you just need to get over the fact that you are sitting in a breastfeeding class and they are going to show breasts: photos, videos, etc.  Duh.  Trust me it is nothing special, but some guys in the class were kinda taken by surprise which I thought was funny.   That is like going to a prostate exam expecting them to check your scalp.

2.  You will be grossed out by some stuff.
This blog is meant to help guys with their first experience with pregnancy and kids (or for those that simply like to judge, laugh, or care about my life), so I would much rather you know these things than try to beat around the bush.  There was a section that grossed both me and my wife out.  It was some sort of weird manual pumping/massage method to get breast milk out and of course they HAD to show it in the form of a video.  Unfortunately in the video, they used a insanely obese woman to demonstrate this technique and the combination of the two was very disturbing: like puss out of a wound kinda gross.  It was nasty.  You've been warned.

3.  Every dude feels like you do.
One thing I think is funny about baby classes is that all the guys feel as awkward and out of place as you do.  Did I think that the dudes in the class felt just as weird as I did, sure.  Did they wish they were some place else but wanted to support their wives?  Yup.  Would they find "convenient times" to go to the bathroom? Sure.  They all felt at least a little weird, except for the one guy who kept asking a lot of questions about everything even with awkward #2.

4.  Some teachers use slang
Boobs, boobies, tatas, breasts all of these terms were used by our instructor.  She mainly didn't seem to care what we thought, but warned us that she would use some slang terms.  Your teacher may or may not, just be prepared.

5.  You are required to use dolls or stuffed animals
Now I got a kick out of this.  First because we were required to bring a "baby" in the form of a stuffed animal.  Second because my wife picked out the smallest stuff animal (about the size of my hand) to use.  Third because we had to bring a stuffed animal as a "baby."   So what happens is you use this animal to demonstrate a working knowledge of how to breast feed your baby.  Your job as a guy is to root her on: both baby and mother.

6. Don't water board your baby.
One very helpful tip was learning how to feed your baby via bottle.  Most make the common mistake of putting the bottle vertical when feeding blasting their baby with milk.  Our teacher compared this to water boarding and essentially drowning your baby in milk: increasing chances of gas, etc.  This was one of the most insightful things in the class.


Breast feeding is tough on your wife.  Did this class help?  Yes and no.  What it did help in was the fact that she needs your support and she needs to know you are in her corner and that you are rooting for her (similar to the college fanatics up top).  You could always paint your body with a giant B (for baby or breast feeding) and root her on.  What your wife doesn't need is what the lady off to the right hand side is doing: looking down, arms folded in judgmental disgust.

The End~