Anyway, my wife is wise and so we have been attending a variety of baby classes. We took a general birthing class (check out that post here) and gained quite a bit of knowledge about babies. My wife insisted that I come to the breastfeeding class as well. Side note: I was not thrilled about this class and felt that it would be SUPER awkward. So here it is.
1. They are going to show breasts.
First you just need to get over the fact that you are sitting in a breastfeeding class and they are going to show breasts: photos, videos, etc. Duh. Trust me it is nothing special, but some guys in the class were kinda taken by surprise which I thought was funny. That is like going to a prostate exam expecting them to check your scalp.
2. You will be grossed out by some stuff.
This blog is meant to help guys with their first experience with pregnancy and kids (or for those that simply like to judge, laugh, or care about my life), so I would much rather you know these things than try to beat around the bush. There was a section that grossed both me and my wife out. It was some sort of weird manual pumping/massage method to get breast milk out and of course they HAD to show it in the form of a video. Unfortunately in the video, they used a insanely obese woman to demonstrate this technique and the combination of the two was very disturbing: like puss out of a wound kinda gross. It was nasty. You've been warned.
3. Every dude feels like you do.
One thing I think is funny about baby classes is that all the guys feel as awkward and out of place as you do. Did I think that the dudes in the class felt just as weird as I did, sure. Did they wish they were some place else but wanted to support their wives? Yup. Would they find "convenient times" to go to the bathroom? Sure. They all felt at least a little weird, except for the one guy who kept asking a lot of questions about everything even with awkward #2.
4. Some teachers use slang
Boobs, boobies, tatas, breasts all of these terms were used by our instructor. She mainly didn't seem to care what we thought, but warned us that she would use some slang terms. Your teacher may or may not, just be prepared.
5. You are required to use dolls or stuffed animals
Now I got a kick out of this. First because we were required to bring a "baby" in the form of a stuffed animal. Second because my wife picked out the smallest stuff animal (about the size of my hand) to use. Third because we had to bring a stuffed animal as a "baby." So what happens is you use this animal to demonstrate a working knowledge of how to breast feed your baby. Your job as a guy is to root her on: both baby and mother.
6. Don't water board your baby.
One very helpful tip was learning how to feed your baby via bottle. Most make the common mistake of putting the bottle vertical when feeding blasting their baby with milk. Our teacher compared this to water boarding and essentially drowning your baby in milk: increasing chances of gas, etc. This was one of the most insightful things in the class.
Breast feeding is tough on your wife. Did this class help? Yes and no. What it did help in was the fact that she needs your support and she needs to know you are in her corner and that you are rooting for her (similar to the college fanatics up top). You could always paint your body with a giant B (for baby or breast feeding) and root her on. What your wife doesn't need is what the lady off to the right hand side is doing: looking down, arms folded in judgmental disgust.
The End~
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