There Can Only Be One (Week 16)

What has been interesting to me as a husband has been watching the hard changes that my wife has gone through over the last 16 weeks.  The first trimester my wife didn't want to touch food at any point.   I had to give up awesome omelets just so she wouldn't look like she would barf (reference Spongebob pic).  That took a backseat to the second trimester which brought a completely opposite effect.

Now I have always had a pretty high metabolism: I could eat a dozen donuts, a pizza with skittles and not gain an ounce.   Today my metabolism is still pretty high and I eat pretty much anything in site.  Yeah yeah so what's the problem you ask?  My wife is doing the  exact same thing.  The last few weeks have been a nightmare.  I usually will inhale large quantities of food but now there are two of us (or three of us technically) doing this.  This baby has made my wife regain her appetite, but in a way I have not seen from her before.  

 While on vacation,  my wife frequently would simultaneously eat her food and mine!  MINE!!!!  (Anyone who knows me, knows I am pretty protective of my food)  We aren't talking dainty little meals, I'm talking man burgers, fries and other large amounts of protein.  She says this may be a sign that it is a boy and that we would be in trouble.  I certainly hope not cause if this keeps up 95% of my paycheck will go just towards food.  FOOD!!  And let's be honest the second stage of that is diapers.

So fellas just be prepared.  The first trimester can be filled with not wanting to eat too much and tons of morning sickness (or not).  The second trimester: protect or hide your food.  

I tried talking to the kid about this but I haven't heard back yet. 

The End~

My First Real Enemy (Week 14)

So my wife and I finally picked out a couple of baby things.  Remember my wife and I have absolutely NO baby experience or baby product experience.  On the other hand I am a pretty good researcher and so after digging into a couple of reviews and places we purchased our crib.  It has all that safety baby stuff that mothers commonly freak out about.  Our child can gnaw on that sucker all they want and not get harmful chemicals in their body!  Whoo hooo!

Anyway when I looked at this thing all I could think about was prison.  The crib is a prison for little people.  Its stylish and cute (according to my wife) and it wasn't as hard as some Ikea stuff I've had to put together, but it is a prison.  

I bet I could do a google image search to find kids grabbing the bars (imagine me leaving at this point to go searching through baby prison images on google).

Anyway that wasn't the purchase that has become my number #1 enemy.  It's the confounded pregnancy pillow!!  Yes this pillow has ruined my life since its inception into our home.  First of all this mammoth beauty of softness is close to 5.5 feet long!  Yeah see that little island section to the left, that is my area.  I know I am not a big guy, but I bump into that Mexican border every night. 

I feel like it has replaced me as a husband.  After reading several reviews on this thing, I realized that this is an epidemic.  Husbands everywhere have complained that this pillow is a monstrosity and is slowly nudging them out of existence.  But my wife needs it and loves it.  She basically builds a fort every night.  I usually have to knock to get in. 

Either way that pregnancy pillow is still my number #1 enemy.   

The End~

Sonogram Machines: Kinda like that old computer that never works (week 8)

Sorry I know this entry isn't in order but I forgot to post it so here it is!

So my wife and I got to see our kid for the first time.  Basically it looked like an grainy alien photo from some guy investigating Area 51 in the 1960's.  Either way we were really excited, except for a couple of things.

First I think it is basically torture to make a pregnant woman have to have a a full bladder in order to take this test.  I know there is some technical things behind this, but even I started to feel bad for her.  So then a feisty Spanish lady comes in and tells my wife all she needs to do. Lay back, Jelly on the stomach and boom.......alien photo.  But then like all good PC's it locked up. Frozen in time the photo of our kid.   This lady tried everything that my dad used to do to the VCR (yes dating myself) when I was kid.  A few bangs on top of it, bang on the keyboard a little bit, but to no avail.

So my wife and I sit there watching her run through her "oh crap this thing isn't working" checklist. In fairness my wife and I did recommend turning it off then on again technique.

Anyway, they bring in another lady who looks at it and repeats the same steps our lovely Spanish lady did.  They begin to argue like an old married couple, which reassures both my wife and I.  The next logical step: call IT, those guys know what they are doing right???!!

So a guy who reminded me of a friend from college comes in and is very polite.  At this point mind you there are three grown adults, myself and my wife in that super warm gown still on the table in a  6' X 6' room!    I smile as I watch everyone huddle around this machine.  Curse you Windows 7!!!!!    Finally the IT guy is like: I have no idea what's wrong with it.  After thinking they need to probably not have a complicated Operating System for a sonogram machine, they finally decided to move us to another room.

It is there that I got to see my kid, dancing around (yes dancing) in my wife's uterus.  Queue up dancing motions as I write this.   It was exciting!!

So I learned that all computers are the same.  When you really need them to work, they don't.  This adventure reminded me of all the times I needed to print some important paper in college only to have my printer die or computer freeze up.  Either way I'm still sticking to the turn it off and on again technique.

The End~

The First Trimester in Review (Weeks 1-10)

So I'm going to be a dad.  I am excited, I really am.  I have no experience with infants: I have only held one infant in my entire life (and his butt was warm...whatever that means) and in all actuality no experience with toddlers either.  I have been taking this pregnancy thing day to day.  

So it has been 11 weeks since my wife and I found out she was pregnant and she is turning into this pregnancy computer that has a wacky hard drive with a virus that does unpredictable things.

So I figured why not do a small review of the wonderful first trimester (with the understanding not all women go through this):

First she will cry.....about everything. 

Sad movies...crys
Comedy with a slightly sad scene....crys
Pictures of puppies or kittens.....crys
Old couples holding hands.........crys (though I may do that sometimes)
Craving for food and she knows she can't have.....crys
Crying..........crys some more

I kid you not.  Now I understand not all women are like this, but my wife is so that has to mean someone else out there in this world does this too.
One night I was going to bed and began reading my book and BAM I hear weeping on the other side of the bed.  There is no rhyme nor reason it just happens and maybe all this happens because this is exactly what is going to happen 8 months from now!!  Preparation.  Thanks honey!

She will eat the strangest combinations of food and have strong cravings.

I am luckier than most guys in that my wife doesn't crave peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with pickles and baby back ribs.  But she does desire food at weird times and sometimes involve strange combinations (tomato and avocados sandwich??).   I always feel like I am in hostage negotiations with my wife over certain foods.  They make no sense.  It is like drunk college frat boys running through a grocery store collecting random foods for tonights party!


I think I'm going to barf....all the time.  

Now I know not all women endure the dreaded morning sickeness but my wife was not one of them.  I had to give up some beloved foods just so that she wouldn't feel like she was going to barf when she smelled them (trust me pregnant women smell EVERYTHING!).  Sometimes people say don't worry it will get better in the 2nd trimester, but not for everyone.  

The End~

Heading to the Doctors (Week 9.5)

So we had our first doctors appointment today.  The baby centers are actually quite interesting.  First they have a TV telling you of all the diseases you don't want your kid to have.  Thanks TV!! (in my best Jim Gaffigan voice)

Not only do they have the disease TV, but only baby books and magazines telling you what your baby should eat, how they should sleep, and what you should name them.

So we sit in the waiting room with about 15 other women and I am one out of two guys in the room. Not awkward at all.

As a guy I have never felt comfortable being in "lady situations."  I grew up around women and it was always uncomfortable.  So we head to the examination room to meet the OBGYN.

As you can see the room is filled with female lady parts.  Not quite the thing I look forward to.  The doctor is nice and very straight forward. She decides that she would like to do a few "female" examinations."  That was my first warning of "Oh gosh I should get out of here."  With swiftness she proceeds to do her thing.  My poor wife was being poked and prodded (literally) and guess who had a front row seat (approx. 2 ft away) from this wonderful action and tried to look around the room at something.
There wasn't a single thing that I could look at that didn't make me feel like I was a weirdo or really uncomfortable (remember female lady parts everywhere).
Fellas, just prepare yourselves if you decided to go with your wife to her appointments (and you should!).  Bring a book, an Ipad, or anything for you to look at.


Afterwards I took my wife out for a nice lunch, because I felt like she deserved it after all her trauma and mine.

The End~

Maybe You Should Take Another One (Week 6)

I have always been a skeptic.  Doesn't matter what it is, I have always been a skeptic.  And I am not the jerk kind that just shoots down everything.  I just like to be sure: it can be a blessing and a curse.

So my journey begins when my wife tells me that she has been late.  Late?  What do you mean?  She hasn't had her period.  

Ooook.  We both knew that we were trying to have a kid, but with that mention of a late period, it just got real!

So I do my amazon prime purchase and two days later she takes the test.

First I read the directions on the box. Mistake.  I so laughed because peeing on a stick or in a cup then putting the stick in, sounds like the behavior of 12 year old boy or drunk people.

So the result: positive.

Now you would think that at this point, because I love my wife I would jump up and down in hysteria or be depressed (depends what movie you watch). Wrong!

The need for assurance came out: "maybe you should take another one for good measure?"

Second one: positive

My wisdom: "Okay so we have one more in the box, let's try that one too!"

Third one: positive

Okay I can't fight this.  I just really want to be sure.  Cause when you find out your wife is pregnant you are truly excited (as I was), but then you also start to think (not necessarily right away) of terrible things: diseases, miscarriages, no money and no sleep.

I relented to a degree.  She told me we would need to take a blood test to confirm, but for the most part three tests don't lie.  Boom you are going to be a dad!

My kid would be proud of my confidence in the First Response pregnancy test! (note the sarcasm)

The End~

So I'm Going to be a Dad....

Ever feel like all you see on Facebook are pictures of people's babies or their dogs?  Well I finally get to be one of those jerks who will take tons of pictures his kid.

When I found out that I was going to have a kid I went searching for blogs written by dads.  I wanted an account of the pregnancy through the first couple years of their kids lives.  Most of the blogs I found either didn't address the pregnancy part or just didn't fit what I was looking for: real but hopeful.

So I've decided to chronicle the pregnancy and the first couple years of my child's life.  It will be real.  by real I mean I won't make it sound sweeter than it is.  I won't beat around the bush.  I will be honest with humor.   Pregnancy is tough, there are tons of awkward moments, and there are some hard times and great times.  All of it needs to be heard and I won't hold that back.

Also, I am a Christian so I will have deeper meaning behind the birth of my child.  Since I believe having a child is a display of the gospel and how God cares for us, at times I will reflect on it.  It won't be the dominate conversation but it will come up.  If you don't like it, just skip over it. It won't hurt my feelings.

So the journey begins.  I hope this will help those who are first time parents, especially dudes.  I want to create a blog that goes through what a guy sees his wife going through.  My worries, my anxieties along with the weird things, the funny things and the cool things about having a kid.

The End