What Ever Happened to Marriage?

Does any body find it sad that we have a TV show that tries to have a man or woman pick from a group of 15 guys or girls, who they will have to marry at the end of the show???!!! Yes I am talking about "The Bachelor or Bachelorette". Recently there was a CNN article about the latest contestants splitting after 3 months. Now you make think: why are you wasting your time on this. Well I will tell you. First I think shows like this give the luxury of marriage in a cheap and sleazy way: meaning that instead of a death do us part, its a pick what you want, marry it and if you dont like it divorce it mentality. Second, while choosing a "bride", the guys basically take advantage on every alone date to make out with every contestant or to see how far he can get with them. This is sad, and a gross distortion of the sanctity of marriage. HEre are the "stats" for the Bachelor show taken from a website:

"1 for 16. - it's the success ratio for The Bachelor and The Bachelorette since the ABC reality franchise debuted in 2002."

One marriage. Out of 16 seasons.

Can you believe that? Then the blogger decides to ask the question: Why can't they find love? Why can't they find love??? Geez it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure this one out.

You may ask: well how do you know?
Recently I have been ministering to a lot of couples in their 60's-80's. Most have been married for 50 to 60 years of their lives and decided to share their marriage advice with me. I am deeply indebted to them for sharing hardships as well as the wonderful parts of marriage. I wanted to know what made their marriage last so long, how did you avoid pitfalls and how did you keep it together? The majority of responses were that they:

1. Married their best friend.
Every single person I talked to on this issue said this. You have to have your best friend. Why? Intimacy aside: they will encourage you, move you, take care of you, tell you when your wrong, guide you, ride along side you, persevere with you, and most importantly love you when no one else does. I think this is the kind of love C.S. Lewis spoke of in his book Mere Christianity: not the infatuation love that rests on looks, and skipping hearts( not that this is bad but marriage cant last on this), but real committed love that NO MATTER what happens they stay committed to them. One lady who had been married for 57 years, said that she wouldn't want a rich man, or even a strong man, but a good man, a man that would be her best friend and she found him!

You know before God created a nation, before the first gospel (proto-evangulion), before the family, God's first institution was marriage (Gen. 2:21-25). This is probably why bad marriages affect so many different areas of life: children, family, friends, work because it is the first and foremost institution.

2. Always say I love you (some add a peck on the cheek) every time they leave.
One lady told me a story about a godly man named Bill. He was in his 80's, healthy and active. He loved Christ and loved his wife dearly. One day he left to the grocery store to grab little things for dinner that night. He reached the parking lot and slipped into a sleep (some here think it was a heart attack) and died in that parking lot. His wife said that she would tell him every time he left that house that she loved him and would give him a peck on the cheek. She said she never knew if he would come back or if something might happen. Now obviously we dont want to be paranoid and think that EVERY time we step out something will happen, but something might.

3. Never go to bed angry.
THis is biblical. Ephesians 4:25-27: "In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold."

It doesnt apply directly to marriage but it does apply as individual Christians and our community with other believers. COntextually it speaks of the believers new life, since they have been raised with Christ they must put off the old self, the old ways: falsehood, evil for the new: righteousness, holiness. Ephesians is speaking of community: Eph. 4:25.....members of one body"
THe "in your anger do not sin" comes from Psalm 4:4 which also contextually speaks of our new holy (set apart life) in Christ.
Do not let anger linger. Most of the couples spoke of how they would never be able to physically sleep with anger in their heart. I know several times of where I was angry, or upset where I had the WORST nights sleeping. My mind was focused and thinking, my heart was racing and I could not relax and go to bed. Anger not only is a sin (Matthew 5) but it isn't something we should allow to rule our marriage or ourselves.

Biblical Role:
I know marriage isn't easy. Its a marathon, not a race. The perception of marriage has changed over time also. More people are divorcing for some of the stupidest and selfish reasons. They are exchanging 1 person for another, or using someone esle to fix their problems. What they must realize is that they must look to the Author and Perfecter of Faith: Jesus Christ (Heb. 12:2). He fixes problems, He creates a new heart, He leads and guides you---and He calls you husbands to "love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her"
You are to love her no matter what, and give your entire self to her in the same way that Christ gave himself totally to die for His people. This is NOT an option rather a command (imperative mood in the Greek). (See Eph. 5:25-28: Colossians 3:19)

Likewise wives you must submit (this isnt slavery) to your husbands just like you do to Christ. The husband is the head, just like Christ is the head of the church and you submit to Him correct? You should so the same with the husband. (See Eph. 5:22-24; Colossians 3:18)

***These are tall orders but I know that marriages would model Christ, they would last much much longer.

Oh and if your watching this TV show...quit.

Be Blessed.