Helpful Tips from a Pregnant Lady and her Husband (Week 29)

Pregnancy is hard.  Well really hard on the wife, but it can be hard for me too.  What can make it harder is when everyone wants to help you and give you "advice."  Sometimes it is good and sometimes it is well not so good.  So after talking with my wife, here are some things that you need to keep in mind if you are going to give advice to a couple having their first baby.

1. They are not you.  How you reacted or raised your first child won't necessarily be the same for the new couple.  How they handle their child, what they decide to do will be different from you.  There will be plenty of similarities but also plenty of differences.  

2. They grew up in a different house and culture than you did.  Maybe your mom and dad were always around (maybe not), maybe you lived in safe neighborhoods, maybe you lived in a shack, maybe you were raised by strangers, no matter how you were raised take into account that people having a kid had different parental experiences growing up than you did.  They were raised in a different setting than you.  Always be aware of this when talking or giving advice to people.  

3.  Sometimes you just need to mind your own business.  Though advice is helpful, not all advice is.  There have been several great people with great advice and but we've also experienced rude people who impose their style of care taking and then turn their nose up when you tell them how you plan on raising your kid.  If you don't like something: like daycare or the fact that the wife may go back to work (or not),  keep it to yourself.  Last time I checked, there was no perfect way to raise a kid (cause there are no perfect parents or methods).

4.  Never try to one up a couple:
Another aspect that isn't greatly appreciated is when someone "one ups" you.  This is where you say "man I am tired and I can't imagine what it will be like when I have my kid."  And you respond: "well imagine if you had 2,3,4,5,6,7 or any number that is higher than theirs."  Not only does this make you sound like you don't care, but it also makes it sound like you don't remember the moment, the emotions and the struggles of having your first kid.  People don't feel loved and frankly they don't feel anymore sympathy for you.  Imagine if you lost one of your parents and I responded well at least it wasn't both of them.  Doesn't ring out with encouragement does it?  

The point is this: advice is awesome.  Couples who are having their first baby need wise counsel from people who have been down that road before to help them anticipate upcoming changes.  When people give the kind of advice found above, it sounds more about them then about you.

What is most helpful is that your advice is not only anchored in love, but that is it also anchored some practicality.  If you want to give advice (at all stages of pregnancy and birth), then also be willing to provide help: physically (go to the home, ask if you can cook dinner, go to the grocery store for them take them out to dinner), emotionally (inquire on how they are doing, spend time with them, take them out to lunch, give them some personal stories) and spiritually (pray for them, tell them that you are praying for them and what you are praying for).  Sometimes advice can seem so hallow if it isn't anchored in love and with some practicality.

If you have any others you would like to add please do so in comments below!

The End~