Strange Baby Songs (Week 8)

So my daughter loves to be sung to.  She loves music so much that I have it ready on my iphone for her to listen to.  In fact it will calm her down from a complete meltdown or cry fest.  This could have been beause I sang to her all the time when she was in the womb, who knows?  Any way I have been looking for and using some standard classic baby songs and simply singing some modern songs to her.

Some of these baby songs seem to have some wierd messages that they (or try to) convey.  So if I destroy your beloved children's song I'm sorry.  Actually no these are kinda weird.

Here are my top 3:

1.  Hush Little Baby
Okay this is a classic, but I can't bring myself to sing this song.  Mainly because it is a bribe song for babies.
 "Hush Little Baby Don't say a word, papa's going to buy you a mockingbird..."
First of all I can't have pets, especially a bird flapping around the house.  Plus, since it is a baby or toddler we are singing to couldn't we have worked our way up to something?  I feel jumping right to a bird we as parents have left little room for practical things.

"And if that mockingbird don't sing, papas going to buy you a diamond ring..."
Now this is where the song gets ridiculous as I feel this is sort of an extreme jump----going straight from birds to expensive jewelry??  Diamonds??  How about cubic zirconium?  COnflict free diamonds?  Why bother asking...YOU'RE A BABY!  My baby would be content if I bedazzled my jeans and walked around (which I will not do) rather than want a diamond ring.

You know the rest of the song.  The title to this song really be called " I Will Do Anything to Get You to Be Quiet and Sleep"  This must have been written by a desperate parent or maybe parents with a colic baby.  From my experience bribing a baby is like praying for the toilet to not get clogged (and it does anyway).  

2. Itsy Bitsy Spider

Okay I think this song was simply written to show perseverance or stupidity.  The spider goes up the spout, the rain comes, washes the spider off, the sun comes and he/she tries again.  Dude, spider pick something else to waste your day on?

3.  Rock A Bye Baby
Okay probably one of the creepiest baby songs I think I've heard.  Bribery for a kid to sleep/ a persistent spider okay, but what is this song?

Rock-a-bye baby, on the treetop,

When the wind blows, the cradle will rock,

When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall,

And down will come baby, cradle and all.

Funny thing is many have tried to explain this song (and doesn't help its case of being weird):

1. Native Americans used to put their babies in trees and let the wind rock them to sleep. (Why does it always have to be the Native Americans, huh?  Either way proven not to be related)

2. A woman in England with her husband and 8 children actually lived in a tree. (What is this Swiss Family Robinson or a character from Harry Potter?  Also proven not to be related)

Anyway this song is creepy. I mean I don't like heights and rocking my baby to sleep in a tree top, well that tree better be seven feet tall or lower.  The wind blowing, sure you are up in a tree who doesn't enjoy that?  Probably a baby in a cradle about to face plant to the ground!  That escalated quickly!

SInging these songs reminds me when someone is bopping along to a song and then they find out what the lyrics are saying and are like "what in the world?"  I started off excited to use some of these songs then went: whoa calm down crazy song.  Anyway, we've decided to stick to more modern songs (our daughter seems to be in love with Owl City.)  She also likes songs from Mary Poppins (Chim Chimeree), some classical stuff and then the collection of random songs I have for her (Bath time is Here, Drop It Like It's Hot, You're My Baby).

If you have any strange baby songs that I may have missed let me know.

The End~

Three Things That Can Scare 1st Timers (week 7)

I have always recognized on this blog that all babies are different.  Some people have angel babies that never cry and let them sleep for days, while others have demon children, and finally there are those who are in the middle.  Today's discussion should help those who fear having kids or like me were too selfish to admit why they didn't want kids.  If you don't know our story and how my wife and I were not head over heals for kids read some earlier posts.   Here are some of the issues we were worried about and after our daughter was born what we found to be overly dramatic baby myths for first time parents:

You will never sleep
Now recognizing that not all babies are created equal, this statement can be true and false.  Our experience is this:  if you enjoy sleep.....it is going to be hard.  If you love sleeping in on a Saturday morning......you will not do that again for years and years to come.   Our baby sleeps pretty well now, of course I could just be saying that because I get more than 3 hours of sleep.

The best way I can describe is this way:  imagine taking a nap for about an hour and then waking up, then eating dinner, then taking another nap and getting up an hour later and taking a walk.  That is about what my nights felt like.  You never quite get that deep sleep, but that resting/nap type.  And what makes it worse is that every cry or movement your baby makes you hear it, so even though you are napping you are totally aware of what is happening around you.

But to say you will never sleep is ridiculous and over dramatic.  UNless you have a terrorist baby, then you're screwed!

You will lose all your money
Again there are alway elements of truth to these statements.  Will you spend more money on your baby than yourself....yes.  Will amazon come to your house repeatedly.....yes.  Will your Amazon wish list no longer have manly cool tech things and instead have things made of rubber and have all sorts of pretty colors......yes.  Look, having a baby costs money and so for awhile it may feel like you haven't bought something yourself in really a long time.  That's life.

Just be smart with your money.  Set a budget for yourself.  My wife and I have a fun money budget that is solely designed for whatever we want (specifically fun).  Sometimes we will combine it and do something special or we use it for clothes, or some tech thing I want.  Oh and if you are worried that you will never be financially ready for a kid, don't worry you won't, but that shouldn't stop you.

You will lose your social life
One aspect that my wife and I were worried about was going to be our social life while having a kid.  This area can be hard especially for you soalites out there who love to go out every Friday night or even if you are used to just hanging with the guys.  Your time is spent differently when you have a newborn.  Your baby is adjusting to you and life outside of the womb and your wife will need you there for love and support (vice versa).  One thing you have to understand is that your baby dictates 99% of your schedule.  In the beginning your baby could eat 12 times a day or every two hours (those with formula have only slightly less but more prep time).  Sometimes people do not understand that you have a new schedule and so you will have to adjust.  When you are able to socialize it looks totally different than it did before.  We invited people to our house about a month after our daughter was born.  We mainly sat and talked and had great times.  If my wife wants to hang out with a particular group we have to look at the time and plan out food schedules, sleep training schedule, and then we swap roles if I am going out.  Your social life doesn't end, but it does take more planning and sometimes declining and delaying hanging out with people.  

Just like with the other issues, nothing will look the same, but in fact it will look better.  WIll you ever be completely ready to have a kid?  Probably not, but you know my wife and I weren't ready and we have managed pretty well.  If we can do you it I know any of you reading this can do it too.

Plus look at the upside:

Having a kid gets you out of stuff (not traffic tickets though)

They make you laugh about 99% of the time (the other times you wish they were sleeping)

Everything they own is little and makes them automatically cute ( and you can load the washer with all they own)

You get to make up diaper songs (Just make sure you dodge, duck, dip, dive and dodge)

WHen they smile at you, you will melt inside and forget about the two hour cry fest they just had.  

The End~

*Next up, my issues with some with classic childrens songs.  

Bombs Away (Week 5)

So my daughter is now 5 weeks old and having her is kinda like being a bomb technician: I never know when she is going to blow.  I think one of the most interesting and tiring aspects of having a baby is their unpredictable nature.  As a dad, one of my favorite things to do is changing her diaper (yes I do love this part), mainly because I like to make it as fun as possible.  I figure the process is already traumatizing for my daughter that I might as well make it a little more tolerable.   So this post is a top three blow ups or blow outs that I've had to experience as a dad.  I do not write this to be gross, rather to give you future dads, or those thinking about kids a realistic view of what to expect in the diaper area.  We always hear about stories from people so here are some real stories verified by my wife.

1.  Rubber Ducky You're the One..... oh gosh

Like my Ernie Sesame Street reference?  Anyway, bath time is actually a really fun time for a dad.  My daughter makes some of the most incredible faces and I just enjoy that time with her.  With a newborn you simply bathe them with a special baby wash cloth and some water (due to the umbilical cord being exposed).  So I stripped her down got her into her little boppy (don't worry you will know what that is very quickly when you have a newborn) and began to bathe her.  I sang a little tune as we enjoyed our time together.  Then gurgle (kinda sounds like what your stomach when you have food poisoning) and then explosion.  No problem, babies poo, I've got this.  Changed and replaced the plastic cover placed her back onto it and back to bathing and singing......then not 2 minutes after the clean up: gurgle and plop.  This time I looked at my daughter to make sure she wasn't pulling some sort of practical joke on me.  Again removed cover, cleaned her and this time I just waited for the next round.  Fortunately it didn't happen.

2.  Duck and Cover!!!!!
I have never changed a diaper in my life before having my daughter, mainly because I think it is gross to handle other peoples (not your kids) feces.   So my wife and I had really no idea how crazy diaper time can get.  One day while at her parents house our daughter needed a change.  Naturally we like to have a nice flat surface to perform this epic duty so we chose their pool table (covered of course).  We began to strip her and as I am right in the middle of the cleaning her up (with her diaper off) she let's out  a really loud wet loaded fart.  So me and my wife looked at each other and lovingly cleaned her up and the pool table.  End of story......of course that isn't how it happened because this is me we are talking about.  She let that fart out and we saw it contained ammo, my wife and I both jumped and ducked under the pool table.  Realizing at that moment that we both shouldn't have jumped as our baby was now rolling around on the pool table.  We are truly great parents.

3. Umm honey
This is my personal favorite and I saved it for last.  My wife was getting ready to change our daughter's diaper.  She began the process of stripping her and got her to the point of having her diaper loose so that I could take over.  Now we had placed her on a large ottoman in our living room and my wife was standing directly in line with the danger zone (cue Tom Gun music).  Since she asked if I could help and finish up I came around to the side of the ottoman.  My wife backed away about 5ft while I did the lifting of the legs to clean her up.  As soon as I lifted her legs *spoooooooooge* projectile poo goes flying through the air like one of those water dancers that shoot out and cross with another squirt of water.

 Our daughter nails my wife with poo (still 5ft away) all on along her forearm.  I freeze as I am in total amazement of what just took place, but then we both burst into laughter at what just happened.  My wife goes to clean herself off and returns as we reminisce about the poo shot heard round the world.  Then I look down at her leg and tell her "honey, I hate to tell you this, but it is all down your leg.  Yup our daughter nailed my wife's upper body and lower body with her poo.  As gross as it is I was and still am impressed (5ft away!!!!) and scared, because I know my time is coming.

Diaper time can be a fun time to connect with your kid, but beware it can also be a time where, as Patches O'Hoolihan from the movie Dodgeball once said, you may need to dodge, duck, dip, dive and well dodge.

The End~