I have always recognized on this blog that all babies are different. Some people have angel babies that never cry and let them sleep for days, while others have demon children, and finally there are those who are in the middle. Today's discussion should help those who fear having kids or like me were too selfish to admit why they didn't want kids. If you don't know our story and how my wife and I were not head over heals for kids read some earlier posts. Here are some of the issues we were worried about and after our daughter was born what we found to be overly dramatic baby myths for first time parents:
You will never sleep
Now recognizing that not all babies are created equal, this statement can be true and false. Our experience is this: if you enjoy sleep.....it is going to be hard. If you love sleeping in on a Saturday morning......you will not do that again for years and years to come. Our baby sleeps pretty well now, of course I could just be saying that because I get more than 3 hours of sleep.
The best way I can describe is this way: imagine taking a nap for about an hour and then waking up, then eating dinner, then taking another nap and getting up an hour later and taking a walk. That is about what my nights felt like. You never quite get that deep sleep, but that resting/nap type. And what makes it worse is that every cry or movement your baby makes you hear it, so even though you are napping you are totally aware of what is happening around you.
But to say you will never sleep is ridiculous and over dramatic. UNless you have a terrorist baby, then you're screwed!
You will lose all your money
Again there are alway elements of truth to these statements. Will you spend more money on your baby than yourself....yes. Will amazon come to your house repeatedly.....yes. Will your Amazon wish list no longer have manly cool tech things and instead have things made of rubber and have all sorts of pretty colors......yes. Look, having a baby costs money and so for awhile it may feel like you haven't bought something yourself in really a long time. That's life.
Just be smart with your money. Set a budget for yourself. My wife and I have a fun money budget that is solely designed for whatever we want (specifically fun). Sometimes we will combine it and do something special or we use it for clothes, or some tech thing I want. Oh and if you are worried that you will never be financially ready for a kid, don't worry you won't, but that shouldn't stop you.
You will lose your social life
One aspect that my wife and I were worried about was going to be our social life while having a kid. This area can be hard especially for you soalites out there who love to go out every Friday night or even if you are used to just hanging with the guys. Your time is spent differently when you have a newborn. Your baby is adjusting to you and life outside of the womb and your wife will need you there for love and support (vice versa). One thing you have to understand is that your baby dictates 99% of your schedule. In the beginning your baby could eat 12 times a day or every two hours (those with formula have only slightly less but more prep time). Sometimes people do not understand that you have a new schedule and so you will have to adjust. When you are able to socialize it looks totally different than it did before. We invited people to our house about a month after our daughter was born. We mainly sat and talked and had great times. If my wife wants to hang out with a particular group we have to look at the time and plan out food schedules, sleep training schedule, and then we swap roles if I am going out. Your social life doesn't end, but it does take more planning and sometimes declining and delaying hanging out with people.
You will never sleep
Now recognizing that not all babies are created equal, this statement can be true and false. Our experience is this: if you enjoy sleep.....it is going to be hard. If you love sleeping in on a Saturday morning......you will not do that again for years and years to come. Our baby sleeps pretty well now, of course I could just be saying that because I get more than 3 hours of sleep.
The best way I can describe is this way: imagine taking a nap for about an hour and then waking up, then eating dinner, then taking another nap and getting up an hour later and taking a walk. That is about what my nights felt like. You never quite get that deep sleep, but that resting/nap type. And what makes it worse is that every cry or movement your baby makes you hear it, so even though you are napping you are totally aware of what is happening around you.
But to say you will never sleep is ridiculous and over dramatic. UNless you have a terrorist baby, then you're screwed!
You will lose all your money
Again there are alway elements of truth to these statements. Will you spend more money on your baby than yourself....yes. Will amazon come to your house repeatedly.....yes. Will your Amazon wish list no longer have manly cool tech things and instead have things made of rubber and have all sorts of pretty colors......yes. Look, having a baby costs money and so for awhile it may feel like you haven't bought something yourself in really a long time. That's life.
Just be smart with your money. Set a budget for yourself. My wife and I have a fun money budget that is solely designed for whatever we want (specifically fun). Sometimes we will combine it and do something special or we use it for clothes, or some tech thing I want. Oh and if you are worried that you will never be financially ready for a kid, don't worry you won't, but that shouldn't stop you.
You will lose your social life
One aspect that my wife and I were worried about was going to be our social life while having a kid. This area can be hard especially for you soalites out there who love to go out every Friday night or even if you are used to just hanging with the guys. Your time is spent differently when you have a newborn. Your baby is adjusting to you and life outside of the womb and your wife will need you there for love and support (vice versa). One thing you have to understand is that your baby dictates 99% of your schedule. In the beginning your baby could eat 12 times a day or every two hours (those with formula have only slightly less but more prep time). Sometimes people do not understand that you have a new schedule and so you will have to adjust. When you are able to socialize it looks totally different than it did before. We invited people to our house about a month after our daughter was born. We mainly sat and talked and had great times. If my wife wants to hang out with a particular group we have to look at the time and plan out food schedules, sleep training schedule, and then we swap roles if I am going out. Your social life doesn't end, but it does take more planning and sometimes declining and delaying hanging out with people.
Just like with the other issues, nothing will look the same, but in fact it will look better. WIll you ever be completely ready to have a kid? Probably not, but you know my wife and I weren't ready and we have managed pretty well. If we can do you it I know any of you reading this can do it too.
Plus look at the upside:
Having a kid gets you out of stuff (not traffic tickets though)
They make you laugh about 99% of the time (the other times you wish they were sleeping)
Everything they own is little and makes them automatically cute ( and you can load the washer with all they own)
You get to make up diaper songs (Just make sure you dodge, duck, dip, dive and dodge)
WHen they smile at you, you will melt inside and forget about the two hour cry fest they just had.
The End~
*Next up, my issues with some with classic childrens songs.
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